How many times in your life have you stopped yourself from doing something that you love? I’m guessing you would say most of the time. I have too! I have curbed my wishes, passion, dreams and desires due to reasons that go beyond explanation. Did that make me happy? No! I did not realise the fact that stopping myself from doing things I longed for did not serve any purpose. I honestly never thought about the fact that I could be harming myself. I did not have a very great childhood. I was a curvy girl who was supposed to have a fair skin tone(cos north Indian!) but ended up with dusky complexion. Can you imagine how difficult your childhood years can be when you are overweight? You are not only stereotyped about things you should or should not do, but in actuality there were things that you couldn’t do. I stopped myself from enjoying on the swing set thinking it might break because of my weight. It started there. At that tender age. My insecurities took birth then and grew everyday with me. My teenage years were not only filled with comments on my weight and colour, I had acne too to accompany me. Now I was not only given weight loss tips, but skin care tips followed them too. This continued and still continues.
A person like me, who in the eyes of society is the opposite of pretty decided to be a part of an industry that patronizes people like me! The fashion industry. I cannot tell you the amount of courage I had to gather to start my blog. I had to be bold and courageous and take that leap of faith. I had this urge to follow my passion and be a part of something I really wanted to. Was it easy? Not at all! Is it easy now? No way! Do people really appreciate a curvy fashion blogger? Who are we kidding, absolutely not! But I am bold enough to accept the fact that I am different from others. I am not in denial about myself. I made myself aware about me being different from others and accepted myself. It was a bold step for me to dress up, put my make up on and stand in the middle of the street and get my pictures clicked! Yes, I did it! It might be very easy for others, but for me, doing that small thing in itself was an achievement. I won the day I decided to change my attitude towards myself.
I do certain small things that I generally stop myself from doing. I always wanted to do something different with my hair. I wanted front bangs for myself. This seems stupid and small, but to convince myself to do that was very difficult. What will my parents say, will it make me look fat, will I look like a child. The thoughts were endless! One day, I just took off for the salon in the middle of the day and got myself the hair I wanted! And boy did I feel good and liberated! I just did what I wanted to do. The compliments were endless. This is just a small example. I do such small things everyday to feel motivated.
People come up to me and say, for your body you are very confident. Yes, that is a compliment. But it is no less than telling a differently-abled person that you are doing good for the situation you are in. But I let go of such thoughts and keep myself positive and look at the brighter side of things.
People will come and tell you things, advice you. But they don’t know your journey. They don’t know anything about your life, your insecurities. You are the best judge of your life. Decide what you want in life and work your a** off to achieve it. There is no substitute for hard work. You cannot blame the hurdles of society or your insecurities. Nobody cares about your struggles. Be bold enough to face anything that comes your way. Surround yourself with people who appreciate you and accept you the way you are. You are one decision away from being happy. I took one bold decision at a time. Are you bold enough to take that decision?
Share your story with me. I would love to read them. Happy Women’s Day!